Growing up as someone with physical “imperfections” was not easy, especially in a country and a community where people can be judgmental of physical beauty. I was born an ugly duckling and although I never became a beauty-queen material, my journey towards discovering my better self made me recognized my worth as a person not only to my family and friends but to the community I serve and to every soul I encountered and affected along the way. I am Marikenya and…

Being born fat is a disaster for a girl who simply wanted to be accepted. I was born a “big girl” and my mother used to tell me that I grew up a fat child because of her obsession towards a robust but pretty teacher who used to pass by our house when she was pregnant. I bought her story and hated it, especially each time I was the center of teasing and feign affection from my friends, classmates and even strangers who used to call me names such as taba, tabatsoy, baboy, and tabaching.

Needless to say, I lost my self-confidence and later became a very insecure girl. I hated the fact that wherever I go, my body size was always an issue. I hated being fat and everything negative that goes with it.

In the mid of my high school life, I met a group of young people who were very active in the community, youth leaders who devoted their out-of-school time doing outreach programs. My inner goodness got the better of me (plus the fact that I wanted to develop my social skills as well), I joined the organization and became an active part of it. The organization guys became my best friends and because we shared the same ideals, we were able to help one another in developing each other’s personalities and outlook in life. I learned and internalized the values of leadership, commitment to community building, and compassion for others.

Coming from a poor family, I rarely afforded dressing well and my fashion style all throughout high-school and college was very simple, to sometimes, drab looking. My outfit was usually a mix of boyish shirts (oftentimes hand-me-downs from older siblings or relatives) and cheap jeans. Despite this fact, people liked my personality. I graduated from college with motivated vigor that I’d be able to finally help my family back for their sacrifices — nobody but me graduated from college in our family and it only happened because they pooled together their resources to send me to college.

With hard work, intelligence, skills, and dedication, I landed eventually what I call a “perfect job.” I finally realized and recognized that my life’s calling is to teach. I am now a trainor and an academician, I am at my best whenever I’m in front of people — helping them, guiding them in making decisions and finding their own self and abilities. No joy is greatest whenever I feel I was of assistance to someone or a group in a dilemma by simply listening or sharing the knowledge of life I have accumulated in my years of living and learning.

Yes, I still have that fat physique. People still call me names and laugh at my body weight but the difference is I can now smile confidently back at them at these instances while silently saying to myself: “I know better. I have found myself, my worth as a person and that goes beyond my fats and flabs.”

Nevertheless, now that I already have a stable job and is working very hard for the achievement of my life’s plans for me and my family, I can already provide myself some luxuries such as improvement of fashion style and physical look. I am still a woman ‘ayt? And a woman, no matter how strong her character is, still takes pride in her look and appearance. Specially for me who’s job requires me to be in front of people all the time and under scrutinizing eyes of first-time participants and students whose tendency will be to judge you physically at first.

So, this is where my next journey started, towards “feeling good by looking good.” Perhaps photographs will explain better –

Read the rest of this entry »